If you’re a grown-ass woman trying to figure out whether ADHD might be part of your story, chances are you’re also trying to figure out what to do about it.
And that’s where things get confusing.
Because suddenly you’re hearing a lot of opinions. About medication. About overdiagnosis. About whether you should just exercise more or try harder or buy a better planner. And none of that is actually helping you feel clearer.
In part two of our three-part ADHD series on The Grown-Ass Woman’s Guide, I sat down again with ADHD coach and I Have ADHD podcast host Kristen Carder to talk about treatment — what it really looks like in real life, what actually helps, and why there is no one right answer.
This episode isn’t meant to diagnose you or anyone you love. Only a licensed medical professional can do that. But it is here to help you understand your options so you can make more informed decisions—without shame, fear, or pressure.
First, let’s talk about medication
We are not here to medicate the world.
Medication is an option—not a requirement—and it should only ever be used by people who want it, who are diagnosed, and who feel it’s the right choice for them.
One of the biggest myths floating around right now is that ADHD is overdiagnosed in adults and that medication is being handed out too freely. The reality is actually the opposite.
Children are diagnosed with ADHD at roughly twice the rate of adults. For years, ADHD was considered a childhood disorder. It wasn’t until the mid-90s that adults were even acknowledged as having it. Which means a lot of grown-ass women spent decades undiagnosed, coping as best they could.
Then COVID hit. People were suddenly working from home, parenting at home, managing life with fewer structures — and a lot of women realized the systems they’d relied on had disappeared. That didn’t create ADHD. It exposed it.
Medication, when it’s the right fit, shouldn’t change your personality or turn you into a zombie. The goal is not to numb you. The goal is to level the playing field.
For some people, medication feels like putting on glasses for the first time. For others, it’s like turning down the volume on the radio — or the boombox that’s been blaring in their head for decades. And for some people, it’s not the right tool at all.
The key is this: it should make you feel better, not worse.
Treatment is more than medication
Whether someone is medicated or not, there are other tools that matter—a lot.
Exercise matters. A lot.
If you have ADHD, movement is one of the most powerful things you can do for your brain. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Walk. Lift weights. Dance. Hike. Do yoga. Kayak. Do something you’ll actually stick with.
Exercise supports cognition, improves mood, and helps reduce anxiety and depression—which, let’s be honest, ADHD often brings along as uninvited guests.
And here’s the grown-ass truth: if you hate it, you won’t do it. Choose movement you enjoy, not movement you think you should enjoy.
Therapy vs. coaching (and why people get confused)
This comes up all the time, so let’s simplify it.
Therapy is about understanding and processing the past.
Coaching is about setting goals and moving forward.
Therapy helps you unpack family systems, trauma, emotional regulation, and the things you’re carrying that you might not even realize are weighing you down. Trauma-informed therapy—things like EMDR, somatic experiencing, and Internal Family Systems—can be incredibly helpful, especially if you struggle with big emotions, rejection sensitivity, or chronic overwhelm.
Coaching, on the other hand, is about building systems, creating structure, and moving toward the future you want.
Here’s the catch: it’s very hard to move forward if you’re still dragging the weight of the past behind you. You can’t out-goal-set unresolved trauma.
That’s why many women benefit from both — processing what’s behind you while building something that actually works going forward.
How to find the right support (and avoid wasting your money)
Finding a good therapist is hard. Finding one who understands ADHD is even harder. For therapy, look for someone trauma-informed. Ask about their experience with family systems, emotional regulation, and the kinds of issues you want to work through.
For coaching, ADHD understanding matters a lot. Read their website. Listen to their podcast. Pay attention to how they talk about ADHD. Is it accurate? Is it shame-free? Do their expectations make sense for a neurodivergent brain?
You are allowed to be selective.
You are allowed to walk away.
And you do not owe anyone your money if they dismiss you, minimize you, or make you feel like you’re failing at something that was never built for your brain in the first place.
The bottom line
ADHD treatment is not one-size-fits-all.
The goal is not to fix yourself.
The goal is to get support so life feels less overwhelming and more manageable.
If this episode helped you see your options more clearly, that matters. And if you’re still figuring it out, that’s okay too.
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re just learning how to take care of your brain—like a grown-ass woman.
Up next: In the final episode of this series, we talk about ADHD, anxiety, and depression—because the symptoms can overlap in confusing ways. How do you know what’s actually going on?
Complete Transcript
JACKIE: I am guessing we are not here to talk about medicating the world.
KRISTEN: No. Not at all.
JACKIE: But it is an option.
KRISTEN:
No, we absolutely are not interested in medicating the whole world. However, we do want to give medication to people who deserve it, to people who want it, and to people who are diagnosed.
Welcome back to The Grown Ass Women’s Guide. I’m Jackie MacDougall. Today is part two in our three part series with Kristin Carder, ADHD coach and host of the podcast I Have ADHD. In the first part of the series, we talked about ADHD and how it might manifest in women and how to know if potentially you have it when you’re going through so many other things like perimenopause or big life transitions – ’cause it can all look pretty similar.
This time we’re talking treatment, medication, non-medication, therapy, coaching, and so many other things that we can do to help our brains.
This conversation is not here to diagnose you or a loved one, only a licensed medical professional can do that. But it is here to help you understand your options so you can make more informed decisions.
Let’s dive in with a topic that a lot of grown ass women are curious about – medication. Who might it be for and what are the options look like in real life?
KRISTEN: There are plenty of people who are diagnosed who are not being treated for the disorder, and that is their choice.
However, it is an interesting place to be right now because during and after COVID, the number of adult diagnoses really did spike. So then there was this moment of uh-oh, ADHD is overly diagnosed and we are medicating too many people.
The truth is, we talked about those transitions earlier, the times in life when you were able to function with ADHD and then a life event happened and suddenly the rug was pulled out from under you. COVID was one of those times. People were transitioned to their homes. Now you are working at home with your kids in some cases, and a lot of people struggled to manage and cope.
So yes, there was a spike during that time. That does not mean everyone was suddenly diagnosed with ADHD. In fact, it is important to say that the adult population is actually underdiagnosed.
Children are diagnosed at a rate of around ten percent. Adults are around five percent. So there is a discrepancy between childhood and adult diagnosis. Here is the problem. It used to be thought that ADHD was a childhood disorder only. It was not until 1994 that we knew adults could have ADHD.
So all of this to say, it is a myth that ADHD is overly diagnosed. It is a myth that medication is overly prescribed.
With the caveat that yes, there are some situations. Are there doctors handing out Adderall to every child whose parent says their kid cannot focus? Of course that happens. But that is not the norm. There are steps you have to go through to receive a diagnosis.
Medication is the number one treatment for ADHD. There are multiple types of medication, both stimulants and non-stimulants. Many of them have been around for decades and have been shown to be appropriate for long-term use.
For some people it is life changing. For some, it is like putting on glasses and seeing the world clearly for the first time. For others, it is finally being able to turn down the volume on the radio or, shall we say, the boombox, if you are a child of the seventies or eighties. The boombox that has been screaming at you for the last three decades.
It should always make you feel better, not worse. If it changes your personality or turns you or your child into a zombie, that is never the goal. We are just looking to level the playing field so you are starting in the same place as your peers.
JACKIE: For sure. I think there are probably equal parts women listening who have children with ADHD and those who might be thinking maybe that is me. What are some other treatments outside of medication?
KRISTEN: Exercise is wonderful for the brain. If you have ADHD, whether or not you are medicated, you should be exercising as often as possible. Anything will do. Walk, run, bike, kayak, hike, dance, yoga. Truly, it does not matter. Just move your body.
Exercise is huge for brain health, improved cognition, and reducing depression and anxiety, which are the cousins ADHD usually brings along.
JACKIE: Absolutely. And I am a firm believer in doing the exercise or movement you enjoy. I am 54 years old and I just found the thing. I do this HIIT workout. It is half an hour and I go six days a week because it is short, it is community, and it has everything I need. Weight lifting, bone health, all of it.
But if you do not enjoy it, you are not going to stick to it. If you say I am going to be a runner and you buy your Hoka shoes and then hate running, it is not going to happen.
KRISTEN: A hundred percent. Exercise is free. There are so many ways to move your body. Therapy and coaching are also great tools. They help you regulate emotions, get out of fight or flight, and manage hypervigilance. Trauma informed therapy or coaching is incredibly useful.
JACKIE: Pause there for a second. Why would someone choose coaching over therapy and vice versa?
KRISTEN: Great question. Therapy helps you process things from your past, understand your story, and look at your family system. Many adults with ADHD struggle to remember or understand their past, and unprocessed wounds can add to mental load and distractibility.
Trauma informed therapy includes modalities like Internal Family Systems, EMDR, somatic experiencing. If you struggle with big emotions and rejection sensitivity, therapy is fantastic.
Coaching is more about setting goals and moving forward. Some therapists also help with that, so it is not always clear cut, but generally therapy looks back and coaching looks forward.
The problem is, it is hard to move forward if you are still carrying the weight of the past. Someone might say I do not want to talk about my past, I just want to make goals. But if you are dragging a ball and chain behind you, it is going to be hard to create change.
So my work often includes both. Creating a future plan while reframing the past.
JACKIE: I love that. What kind of questions should someone ask a therapist or coach to make sure they are informed about ADHD?
KRISTEN: A lot of people want a therapist who has ADHD or understands ADHD. That is understandable, but finding a good therapist is hard. Finding a good therapist who also understands ADHD is even harder.
I tell people to find a trauma informed therapist. Someone who understands modalities like EMDR, somatic experiencing, Internal Family Systems, dialectical behavioral therapy. Ask about the past you want to process. Ask if they understand trauma, family systems, or whatever you are dealing with.
For coaching, your coach should absolutely understand ADHD. That might look like a certification or clearly demonstrated expertise. Read their website. Listen to their podcast. Do they describe ADHD accurately without shame. Do they create a hopeful path forward. Do their expectations make sense for a neurodivergent brain.
Personally, I would not work with a coach who does not have ADHD. Not everyone agrees, and there are excellent ADHD coaches who do not have ADHD. But that is my personal view.
A therapist does not necessarily need to know ADHD in depth because their job is to help you process the past. For goal setting, accountability, and moving toward the future, an ADHD informed coach is incredibly important.
This is such an important reminder that treatments are not one size fits all, so get the support you need – and make the decisions that work best for your life.
If this episode helped you understand ADHD treatments a little bit more clearly, please hit like, subscribe, and turn on notifications. And if you know someone who would benefit from this conversation, please share it with her. It could make all the difference in the world.
Up next in our final episode of the three part series, I talked to Kristen about depression, anxiety, and ADHD because the symptoms sometimes mirror each other. So how do we know the difference?
Make sure you’re following and turn on notifications so you do not miss a thing.
I’m Jackie MacDougall, and this is The Grown-Ass Woman’s Guide. Until next time, remember you are a grown-ass woman. Act accordingly.
