You’re no longer chasing who you used to be, but enjoying who you are now.
That’s how one reader described the experience of going gray to Katie Emery, the creator of Katie Goes Platinum. And it could not be more true. The conversation was meant to be about hair. But we ended up talking about identity, freedom, the lies we’ve been sold about aging, and why so many women say that letting their gray grow in was the catalyst for transforming their entire lives.
Whether you’ve been curious about going gray, you’re mid-transition and struggling, or you just want to understand what all the fuss is about—this one’s for you.
The Breaking Point: Why Katie Quit Dyeing After 30 Years
Katie had been dyeing her hair for almost 30 years when she hit 50. She was also coming out of one of the hardest periods of her life: her son had nearly died from a mystery illness, her husband lost his job, and their other son was diagnosed with autism—all within a span of weeks.
“It took me like a year and a half to recover,” she told me. “I was just in a brain fog and felt terrible. And then after I started to come out of the brain fog, I felt like I started to make some changes in my life that would impact me so I could start to feel better again. And one thing I realized was I was just so sick of dyeing my hair.”
She’d been sick of it for a while, actually. But every time she mentioned going gray to friends, they were horrified. So she kept putting it off. Until one day, she just couldn’t do it anymore.
“It was kind of like quitting cigarettes cold turkey,” Katie said. “I literally couldn’t bear the thought of ever touching dye again.”
The expense. The hours in the salon. The itchy scalp (she later realized she’d developed a dye allergy). The mess of doing it herself. The boredom. All of it had piled up until her body simply said: enough.
The Biggest Surprise: It Was Actually Fun
Here’s what Katie didn’t expect: she loved it.
“The biggest thing that surprised me is how much fun I had with it,” she said. “I really had been spending all these years thinking I was going to dread it, it would be horrible.”
Katie has what she calls a “contrary personality.” As her roots grew out and her hair started looking, in her words, “crazy,” she got a kick out of people’s reactions. The more they told her to cut it or dye it, the more she dug in.
“It drove people crazy. It was kind of fun.”
Eight years later, she still looks in the mirror every day and loves what she sees. The one time she missed her dark hair? At her nephew’s wedding, for about a second. And then she realized she wasn’t missing the hair—she was missing being young.
“My dark hair now would’ve been way too dark for my face,” she said. “I think I was missing being young more than I was my dark hair.”
The Myths About Going Gray (That Keep Women Stuck)
There are so many myths about going gray that simply aren’t true—and Katie has made it her mission to bust them.
Myth #1: You have to cut your hair short
Nope. Katie grew hers out long. It took two and a half years to get to shoulder length (her hair grows faster than average), but she did it. Some women prefer a pixie cut to speed up the process, but it’s absolutely not required.
Myth #2: You have to dye it gray
This is the method Jackie used to embrace her grays. But according to Katie, it can actually backfire, especially for brunettes. Dark hair doesn’t take well to being dyed gray, it requires so much bleaching that it can fry your hair. Katie’s hair was already damaged from years of dye, so she just let it grow.
Myth #3: You’ll look older
This is the big one. And Katie’s response? “Gray is just a color.” She was probably fully gray by 30—she just never knew because she’d been dyeing it. There are 25-year-olds with stunning white hair. There are women in their 60s who look more vibrant than ever after going gray.
“I don’t think any of the women look older,” Katie said about the before-and-after photos on her blog. “They just look different.”
Myth #4: You’ll hate it
Katie polled women across the internet—not just her own audience—and found that 85-95% of women who go gray are happy with their decision and have no plans to go back to dyeing.
The caveat? You have to get through the transition, which can be challenging. But most women come out the other side loving it.
The Comments Women Receive (And Where They Come From)
Most reactions to gray hair are positive. But the negative ones? They can be brutal.
Katie shared some of the worst she’s heard:
A woman was walking down the street when a stranger rushed across, grabbed her arm, and said, “You have to dye your hair, or your husband’s going to cheat on you.”
A friend of Katie’s, one of the only women in her Hollywood niche, had a colleague shove money into her hand and say, “Now you can go get your hair colored”—assuming she was too poor to afford it.
Women write to Katie saying their husbands call them “old hags” or their mothers say they’re “ashamed to be seen with them.”
Here’s what’s interesting: when Katie surveyed her audience, the negative comments overwhelmingly came from women over 60—baby boomers and the silent generation. Her theory? These are the women who grew up with the explosion of home hair dye and decades of advertising telling them gray hair meant their husbands wouldn’t love them.
“I’ve seen some of those old ads, even starting in the twenties,” Katie said. “They’re brutal.”
Meanwhile, young people tend to love gray hair. Men of all ages seem to adore it. The harshest critics are often the women who were most conditioned to fear it.
The Best Comebacks for the Haters
Katie has compiled an entire arsenal of responses for unwanted comments. Here are some of the best:
The Carolyn Hax special: When someone says something crappy, like “Why on earth would you let your hair go gray? You look 20 years older”—don’t explain yourself. Just stare at them for a second, say “Wow,” and walk away. Don’t give them a chance to respond.
The Miss Manners approach: “How kind of you to comment on my personal appearance.”
The Southern special: “Bless your heart.” And if they keep going: “Bless your heart. I can’t believe you let that just come right on out of your mouth.”
The preemptive strike: If someone says, “Oh, you’re letting your hair go gray,” before they can add anything negative, jump in with: “Yes! Isn’t it great? I feel so excited.” This cuts off the negativity before it starts.
The key is refusing to explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone a justification for your own hair.
Why Going Gray Often Changes Everything
Here’s what surprised Katie most about running her blog: how many women make major life changes after going gray.
New careers. Divorces. New partnerships. Modeling. Boundary-setting in relationships that no longer served them. A complete creative renaissance.
Her theory: “Part of why a lot of us dye our hair is that fear of looking older. And once you accept your gray hair, it’s almost like it makes it easier to accept that you’re growing older. And so once I stopped worrying about getting older, I started thinking, well, now I might as well enjoy all the time I have.”
When you stop trying to reclaim your youth, you can finally ask yourself: who am I now? What do I actually want?
“People think it’s gonna destroy their confidence,” Katie said. “But for a lot of us, it ups our confidence ’cause we feel good about the decision.”
She connected it to the broader cultural shifts happening: the Me Too movement, body positivity, women finally saying no to things they’d accepted for years. Dyeing your hair, for many women, was one of those things—something they felt they “had” to do, even when they didn’t want to.
Going gray is, in a sense, refusing to be silenced about your own appearance.
How to Actually Do It: Practical Tips for Going Gray
If you’re considering making the leap, here’s Katie’s advice:
- Know that there’s not just one right way. Cold turkey isn’t your only option. There’s the dye strip technique (which hides the skunk stripe), gray blending, wigs, buzz cuts, and more. Research the methods and find what suits your personality, temperament, and budget.
- Don’t announce it unless you have a supportive circle. Katie made the mistake of posting about it on Facebook before she started. She got lucky with supportive responses, but many women don’t. Just start doing it quietly. If people comment, use the preemptive “Yes! Isn’t it great?” approach.
- Take a break from negative people. If someone won’t stop making comments, it’s okay to pause that relationship until you’re through the transition. You don’t need that energy.
- Don’t change everything at once. You won’t know what your gray hair really looks like until all the dye is cut off. The silver is translucent and bounces color off the dyed ends, so it can look completely different once it’s fully grown out. Wait before overhauling your makeup and wardrobe.
- Stay inspired. Look at before-and-after photos on Instagram, YouTube, and blogs like Katie’s. Follow other women on the journey. Make it fun. And remember: everyone has bad hair days, even people with freshly colored hair.
- Be patient with the emotional side. It can be a rollercoaster. Katie felt “liberated and euphoric” for about two years. But it can also bring up sadness about leaving your old self behind, or regret about the years spent dyeing. That’s all normal. Feel it and keep going.
- Remember: it’s not permanent. If you hate it, you can always go back to dyeing. Some women try three, four, or five times before it sticks. There’s no shame in that.
Products: What Actually Works vs. What’s BS
The gray hair product market has exploded—and a lot of it is unnecessary. Here’s what Katie has learned after eight years:
What You DON’T Need
Specialty gray hair shampoo and conditioner (unless you’re prone to discoloration). If you have coarser or wiry gray hair, you can probably keep using what you’ve always used.
Purple shampoo during transition (unless you’re getting gray blending/bleaching). You don’t need it until your hair is fully gray, and even then, use it sparingly—once a week max—because it can seriously dry out your hair.
Fading treatments for dyed hair. Do NOT do this. Katie tried it and ended up with “bright Bozo the Clown orange” hair. Your gray isn’t hiding under the dye waiting to come out—the dye has permanently altered your hair. Just let it grow.
Amber-colored oils (coconut, argan). Gray hair absorbs color, so amber products can stain it. Stick to white and clear products as much as possible.
What DOES Work
Blue shampoo (for brunettes during transition): If your fading brunette ends are turning brassy orange, blue shampoo targets those tones. It won’t work miracles once it gets too orange, but it helps.
Silvering Tonal Control Concentrated Toning Mix: Katie’s current favorite. It’s a deep blue-purple liquid you add to your existing white/clear conditioner, shampoo, or styling products. It works as well as purple shampoo without the drying effect, and you can use it regularly. Bonus: fewer bottles in your shower.
Silvering Root Cover Powder: Comes in white or salt and pepper. Great for filling in areas where your scalp shows through (which can look like bald spots due to the contrast between gray hair and scalp—often just an optical illusion).
Silvina London Shampoo & Conditioner: The only purple shampoo Katie knows of that you can use daily without drying out your hair. It’s gentler than traditional purple shampoos but still brightens effectively.
General rule: Avoid sulfates, parabens, and silicones. Use white and clear products when possible. Even accessories like scarves and heatless curling products should be lighter colors, since fabric can stain gray hair.
The Bottom Line
When I asked Katie what she’d tell her 50-year-old self, just starting the journey, she said: “Don’t worry. You’re going to love it.”
She didn’t expect to feel that way. She thought she’d miss her dark hair—her identity for decades. Instead, she wakes up every day loving what she sees.
Going gray isn’t giving up. It’s not resignation. It’s not “letting yourself go.”
It’s a glow up. It’s freedom. It’s finally becoming the person you’ve been covering up.
As Katie put it: “You’re no longer chasing who you used to be, but enjoying who you are now.”
And honestly? That might be the best reason to do anything.
Resources
KatieGoesPlatinum.com | YouTube | Instagram @katiegoesplatinum
Silvering: Tonal Control Concentrated Toning Mix, Root Cover Powder
Silvina London: Shampoo & Conditioner
Listen to the full episode for even more stories, tips, and Katie’s unfiltered take on embracing the gray.
About Katie:
Katie, the founder of KatieGoesPlatinum.com, is revolutionizing the way women embrace their natural gray hair. Launched in 2018, her website has become the go-to resource for all things silver, offering a treasure trove of information and inspiration for those ready to ditch the dye. After 25+ years of hiding her own grays, Katie embraced her natural silver at 50 and discovered a new lease on life. Now, she’s on a mission to empower women worldwide to ditch the dye and embrace their authentic selves. Through her website and YouTube channel, Katie offers expert advice, product reviews, and inspiring transition stories. She proves that going gray isn’t about letting yourself go—it’s about letting your true self shine.
